Today I travel back to my new home, heavy with the knowledge that I may never see her again. I don’t want to think about it, ever, but deep inside I know the clock is ticking.
i always leave something behind when I travel. Call it a quirk or a flaw, but it never fails. Today I was filled with disappointment when I realized it was my headphones. I cannot travel without music, so I knew I would be making a purchase at the Albuquerque airport.
After perusing the vast display of options (really, I was impressed), I bought a pair of the cheapest they had and made my way. Afterall, an evening robbed of music is like losing the draft of a term paper you spent hours writing – you know you can survive, but it won’t be the same when you’re done.
I’m afraid the knowledge I learned on this trip is enough to preserve that feeling, even if I hadn’t forgotten my headphones.
I have awakened in many different places. Some chilly, keeping my feet firmly aware that the season is not a friendly one. Some loud, where children are the main agent in awakening the household, whether by calling my name, peeling open my eyelids, or snuggling with me before making a loud chirping noise. Some exceedingly warm, so much so that I cannot bear to lay beneath the covers a moment longer and fall prey to an overindulgent sun.
Yesterday, I awoke in a city where I plan to stay. And the differences were not monumental, but inside me, things had changed. Gone was the tranquil slobbering of another dreamless night, or the knowledge that I will someday go back home. This will be my home from now on, and the loneliness that people talk about having after the fact crept in on me through my chilled toes and worked its way to the back of my neck.
I am not alone here, and yet I know that there will be times when I feel nothing but alone. And while I know that I am one who is easy to please, I am also quick to abandon all peace in favor of another’s company so I do not feel so dreadfully alone.
I took a photo yesterday of a sunset I experienced while clomping around through nature at a state park. I had not realized how beautifully serene the lack of urban streets could appear while I was nestled deep in the technological swarm of the Apple world.
“The wind’s blowing me in another direction, and there’s no use arguing with the wind”