Recess Time

We pass the ball back and forth
on the blacktop
in the driveway

We take turns tossing and catching
bouncing and bracing,
revolving,
stepping in closer and backing up further

to accommodate.

I don’t play catch with you
I don’t make any rules

but I see the limitations
we naturally set
to play.

Whether you receive the ball
or drop it
Whether you laugh and pass
or throw it

I am thankful for your skill
I am thankful for your patience with human error
I am grateful for your willingness to reach out your hands

at all.

Motherf*cking Encouragement

Not going to let me stop
let me drop out of the moment
or cancel my subscription.
Not going to let me tear out the pages
give in to rages more spectacular
than not
Not going to tell me the answers
or dance around the cast
of characters you know I need to see
Not going to take away my direction
arrest my inflection of thought
or take my power from me,

are you?

Set Free

It wasn’t pretty, parts of my days
burnt my skin and scratched my veins

blew quite literally from my mouth
pinched my heart and ripped like cloth

the vision I had to sustain
the colors I clutched at desperately to see

were pointed at to me by you
your fingers found that they could bleed.

The tearing of our flesh and sound
our metaphysical seams

was necessary to find this light
that I can finally see.

I wonder where I’d actually be
if you hadn’t helped me along
if you hadn’t shown me the truth of pain

Would I be lost?
Would I be gone?

Your truth I can gladly see
is knotted at my ankle

it knocks me down when I am dumb
and flies me higher than I expect

it never drops me on my head
but shows me the ground I’ll find instead

it tugs and holds me in the comfort way
the swaddling warmth I need

it reaches for me when I’m down
and hands me air I need to breathe.

The fingers bleed and the truth tightens
the flesh still red and raw

But my flesh is mine and your blood is yours
it’s malleable and strong

The world is bigger than it seemed
and chances are scattered ahead

No longer buried beneath my burden
I am set free

and I am here.

I don’t want to be the only one

I don’t want to be the only one who loves you
The one who smiles when you laugh
and laughs when you joke

I don’t want to be the only one
who seeks you out when I’m broken
who hears your advice when I’m alone
who betters their life knowing you are in it.

I don’t want to be the only one
who sees the gold in your face
who eats the dishes of acceptance
you create

who drinks from your cup of consideration.

I don’t want to be the only one
who eats their words when they harm you
or reproaches their life when it rebounds you

the only one who misses you when you aren’t around.

I don’t want to be the only one who loves you

I don’t want to be the only one.

Show Don’t Speak

my laughter shows you
the me buried under the storm
of my becoming

my sleepiness on your couch
sings the song of my comfort
with you

my hands in my lap
touch my neck when I think of
touching you

my respect looks like
the drive home I take
each night.

Land Mine

Today I stepped on a land mine
my breath knocked out of me into the street
the blast blowing out the fillings in my teeth.

I tumbled over backwards before breaking down,
the pieces melting off my bones
coagulating into a squishy sludgy me.

When you walked over, I expected you to step
over me and onto your next task
or to scatter me like a smashed spider beneath your feet.

Instead you fished into the pile of splatter
and pulled out the raw pink underneath
wrapped it in a blanket

and sang a song of your unfailing belief.

People don’t exist to validate me,
my perceptions or fears,
they exist to have the same shot at life
as I do.

The one thing I can watch them show
is the acceptance that they made the right decision
when they chose me.

Today, I stepped on a land mine
and it was about time I blew away
the perfect show I thought I was
for the imperfect better of me.